Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
