i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
