i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He kissed a someone with a penis
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The adults are the big ones right?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
