I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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