I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Apparently you make a good broom.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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