don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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