my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
