I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
