Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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