After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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