Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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