waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
