That's intense
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
