u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
