Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize