I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
