Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
