Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize