some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
