i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
