I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
