Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
zippers are such a cool invention
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
