I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
