did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
