I just threw up on my dentist
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
