i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
