I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
