Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
