he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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