The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize