we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
