And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
