id be glad to
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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