the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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