i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
