Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
