Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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