Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm passing your future prison.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
