No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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