I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
