I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize