I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
false alarm. still invincible.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize