so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
