An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
bring money and cleavage
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize