You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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