When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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