why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize