i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
