Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
