No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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