Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You don't make any sense
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