yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
