he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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