i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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