Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
