I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
