So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My ass is underappreciated
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
