Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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