I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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