I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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