spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Randomize