Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
