What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
