i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
