My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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