what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
