Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
