I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
