ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize