Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
