apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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