No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
