The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize