But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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